Millenium Spike
by ohmygodwhatisthis
Summary: A new millenium item is found...in Kimo's hair. Damn, I'm crazy. *insert evil laugh here* Warning: I will bash EVERYONE!!!!!


The Millennium Spike  
  
  
  
  
Nakoruru: This is just a piece of stupidity to tide you over until I figure out what I'm doing as far as Quarantine is concerned. I'm playing around with the idea of there being an 8th millennium item and it's kinda…odd. In fact, It's Kimo's hair, (Pegasus' main bodyguard that gives Yugi and Co. a hard time, Kaiba kicks his ass in the dungeon, you get the idea) or more importantly, the very tip of it. Yami Bakura discovers this and sets out with Yami Malik to find Kimo and take his hair spike. Everyone else tries to stop them, madness ensues, blah blah blah…got it? Good.   
Warnings: Slight shonen ai, heavy swearing, stupidity, character bashing, and all that good stuff.  
Disclaimers: Don't own any of this, unless you see Yami and Kaiba making out in the back of a limo, then you know it's mine.  
Other: Yami Malik= Ishtal  
Yami Bakura=Bakura  
Yami Yugi=Yami  
Everyone else goes by American names  
/talking to a yami/  
//a yami talking back//  
  
  
  
  
The story begins in the park, where Bakura and Ishtal are happily tossing pennies and killing pigeons when suddenly, Bakura's ring starts to glow.  
  
Bakura: Hm, that's different.  
Ishatal: (fake british accent) Indeed, might I suggest we give up a chase, what? (Nakoruru: assume he's making fun of Ryou's dub accent. NO OFFENSE BRITISH PEOPLE!!)  
Bakura: *smacks him* I don't know what the hell your problem is…my dub voice is about a zillion times better than my original.  
Ishtal: True, you sounded like an evil worm.  
Bakura: ANYWAY, we have to go in the direction my ring pulls me, that means we're taking your bike downtown.  
Ishtal: *laughs evilly* As you wish, my master.  
Bakura: I'm beginning to think those Say No To Drugs posters had something…stop wasting time jackass, lets go.  
  
They hop on Malik's motocycle and do about 93mph down the street. Ishtal isn't the best driver yet so he nearly mauls a good 20 people on the way to wherever it is they think they're going. The pass Pegasus on the street and skid to a stop.  
  
Bakura: That's who I was telling you about! That man is insane I swear...  
Ishtal: This is who you got the Eye from? Easy win, huh?  
Bakura: No shit.  
  
Pegasus, who is wearing a rasta hat and the same red suit he had on back in duelist kingdom, accompaned by a pair of wooden platform shoes and a WIDE white belt, is singing songs for money since he has no cash left.  
  
Pegasus: "The music's bangin' and the light's down low-just one more dance and I'm good to go-waitin' for someone..."(Don't own C. Aguleira and her crap either.)  
Bakura and Ishtal : O_O  
Pegasus: "I'm a geanie in a bottle baby-gotta rub me the right way honey-I'm a geanie in a bottle baby-come, come, come on, let me out..."  
  
He happens to be in front of Kaiba Corp, and you-know-who come out just in time to see this.  
  
Kaiba: O_o  
Pegasus: Ah, Kaiba boy, there you are! *glomps Kaiba* You promised you would take me out tonight...  
Kaiba: Ack! *punches him in the face and runs off*  
Bakura: That was actually kinda funny...  
Ishtal: Where to next?  
Bakura: That alley over there is where I'm being pulled.  
  
  
They ride over to an alley behind KC and find a bum in the trash.  
  
Ishtal: Look! A hobo!  
Bakura: HEY! It's HIM!  
The hobo gets up, and looks at the two boys.  
Hobo: *at Bakura* Where have I seen you before?  
Bakura: KIMO!?  
Kimo: I know you! You were with that freak Yugi at duelist kingdom.  
Bakura: Uh, you could say that.  
  
The millenium ring starts glowing even brighter, and pulls Bakura off the seat of the motorcycle and onto the pavement.  
Ishtal:*snicker*  
Bakura:*glares at him, looks at Kimo* You wouldn't happen to have a millenium item, would you?  
Kimo: Actually, it's right here. *points to peak of hair* It's called the Millenium Spike. It keeps me from dying when I start to annoy the hell out of people. That's why Kaiba hasn't shot me yet or Yugi hasn't blasted me like he did Panik.  
Ishtal: You mean Yami...Yugi really can't do anything...hence Yami's existance.  
Kimo: Who's Yami?  
Bakura: Hopefully you wont have to see. I need your hair spike by the way.  
Kimo: Like hell! I need this thing, especially if this Yami is so dangerous.  
Ishtal:He's pretty harmless.  
Bakura: Then why haven't you killed him yet like you wanted?  
Ishtal: Shut the hell up.  
Kimo: Uh...*runs away really fast*  
Bakura: DAMMIT! *hops back on motorcycle and chases after him, killing a cat*  
  
They chase him all the way to Domino High School's pinic area.  
Ishtal: Damn, we lost him.   
Bakura: That cant be. The ring says he's here somewhere.  
Ishtal: He probably went in the school. In which case, we split here and try not to get caught prowling.  
Bakura: Fine. Go through the back: I'll signal you with a road flare or something if I find him.  
  
They part ways here, peeking in every classroom and storage closet. Meanwhile...  
  
Teacher: Blah blah blah blah blah, BLAH blah blah, yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak YAKKITY, yabber jabber, Blah...  
Tea: This is so informative! *smiles*  
Yugi: So true!  
Joey: ZZZZZZZZZZZ...  
Tristan:ZZZZZZZZZZZZ...  
Yami://ZZZZZZZZZZ...//(in Yugi's head)  
Malik:*throws spitballs to stay awake*  
Ryou: *reads a fashion magazine and getting hit with spitballs*  
Kaiba: *pretending he's not falling asleep but has his head down with the textbook tipped on its side*  
Teacher: Joey Wheeler, please answer the question.  
Joey:ZZZZZZ...*snort* Huh?  
Teacher: Your answer, please? *evil smile*  
Joey: *sweats* Uh...Revlon foundation and concealer?  
Teacher: Thats exactly right! Revlon foundation and concealer is the longest lasting substance ever developed, with a shelf life of...Seto Kaiba?  
Kaiba:*asleep now and dreaming* Gah! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!!  
Teacher: O_o Seto?  
Kaiba: *woke himself up screaming* uh, yes?  
Teacher: How long does it last?  
Kaiba:* picks random number hoping he'll be close* Let's see, approximately 783,903, 276,498,000 years?  
Teacher: *beams* Correct! *erases board*  
Kaiba: *goes back to sleep*  
  
Bakura peeks in the door, and just happens to catch Ryou's eye.  
  
Bakura: SHIT!  
Ryou: *to himself* SHIT! /What are you doing here?!/  
Bakura://On official buisiness only, so piss off.// *dashes down the hall*  
  
Ryou pales, thinking of the damage about to be caused, or all the things he will have to take responsibility for.  
  
Ryou: *raises is hand*...Teacher?  
Teacher: WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT MY TEDIOUS, CAFFINE INDUCED SERMON?!!? Oh, its one of you...  
Ryou: Can I go to the bathroom?  
Joey:*knows an out when he sees it* I need to take a leak too.  
Teacher: You have 5 minutes until your torture resumes. Use them well, boys.  
  
  
Joey and Ryou walked out into the hall, but instead of walking toward the bathroom, Ryou veered off in the other direction.  
  
Joey: Where do you yhink youre going?  
Ryou: Bakura is loose in the school and I'm going to find jim before people die.  
Joey: Sounds fun. We'll just tell the teacher the urinals tried to eat us or something.  
Ryou: She should belive that. *takes off running* /Bakura?/  
Bakura://...what?//  
Ryou: /For the love of God don't do ANYTHING until I find you./  
Bakura://Look, I told you I'm here on official business and...//  
Ryou: /Meaning?/  
Bakura: //Ish and I are tracking a guy with a millenium item.//  
Ryou: /In the school?/  
Bakura://No, in your pants.//  
Ryou://Hilarious. Where are you now?//  
Bakura: *looks around* //Next to a door.//  
Ryou:/That helps a lot. Seriously, describe the area./  
Bakura://IT LOOKS LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE DAMNIT! HOW THE HELL DO YOU NOT GET LOST IN HERE EVERY DAY?! The door is next to a...wha? Hold on.//  
Soft music starts playing in the background.  
Joey: So, did you find 'um?  
Ryou: *irritably* No, he put me on hold.  
Joey: Damn  
  
Meanwhile...Bakura and Ishtal are at the complete opposite side of the school looking for Kimo. Ishtal has managed not to kill any of the people he ran into( class has ended) and Bakura has only sent one annoying girl to the Shadow Realm thus far. Unfortunately he bumps into Tea as he turns a corner.  
  
Tea: Oh, hi Ryou! *fails to tell the difference between the two all the time-like its hard*  
Bakura: *pissed off and mimicking Ryou's voice for the hell of it* Oh, hello Tea. Sorry to run into you like that.  
Tea: No problem! You know you and Joey missed class, right?  
Bakura: Um, no...I somehow didn't hear the bell I'm standing underneath.  
Tea: I see. Well, see ya later!  
Bakura: Bye! *smiles cheesily and waves, then flips her off when her back is turned* Yugi needs his ass beat if he likes that thing.  
Yugi:*from out of nowhere* So true! *walks off*  
Bakura: O_o Oooooookay then...  
Ishtal:*walks out of storage closet* Not in here. Looks like we'll need some extra help.  
Bakura: We really can't use the duel monsters in here.  
Ishtal: *smiles evilly* Not them, Ryou's stupid friends. *pulls out millenium rod and uh...does whatever it is to take over someone* Lets see, who shall we...Ah, there we go! TRISTAN!  
  
Tristan is on his way to a parenting class and stops dead in his tracks.  
  
Ishtal: Tristan?  
Tristan: *in Gir's voice from Invader Zim* Yes, my master!  
Ishtal: You are my newest mindslave. Your mission is to find Kimo for Bakura and I and relieve him of his hair spike. After that, kill him and eat his head. Understood?  
Tristan: Woof!  
Ishtal: *seeing the thrill Kaiba and Ryuji get from this* Good boy! Fetch!  
  
Tristan drops to all fours and runs down the hallway, sniffing at the floor, barking.  
  
Bakura: EAT HIS HEAD?! I like that.  
Ishtal: *in bad chinese movie dub voice* you have a lot to learn, young grasshoppa.  
Bakura: Look who it is! *points down the hall*  
Ishtal:*looks* Oh, Goddamnit all. We should kill his skiny ass while we can.  
Bakura: No, we might be able to rope him into this. YOU watch and learn.  
  
In case you haven't guessed, Yami (seperate from Yugi) is walking down the hall wearing his thorougly pissed facial expression. Now when someone is thorougly pissed in anime, a wall of fire shoots up from behind them. Take this and the fact that the Eye of Horus is glowing about 6 different neon colors on his forehead, and you have the perfect picture of the Messenger of Death.   
  
Yami: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO TRISTAN!?  
Ishtal: *surprised to see Yami so mad* Uh...nothing.  
Bakura: What do you mean, Pharaoh?  
Yami: YOU CALL BARKING LIKE A DOG AN SNIFFING THE ASS OF EVERYONE HE RUNS UP TO 'NOTHING?!'  
Ishtal: What? I didn't tell him to sniff asses, he does that already. All I told him to do was the find the Mille-uh-Millionth red ant!  
Bakura: Oh yeah, he'll go for that one. -_-  
Yami: HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM?!  
Bakura: You don't want that answered. Listen. *waves away a few flames and comes closer to Yami* How would you like to help us?  
Yami: You know, thats against the laws of the Universe. That's almost like Shadi wearing a pink robe, or Mokuba dying his hair blonde, or Tea wearing a shirt that doesn't call attention to the fact that her boobs are bigger than most people's heads on this show. Wouldn't happen.  
Ishtal: *thinking about all that* Heh, well, anyway. This will benefit you if you help us out.  
Yami: Will I have to duel someone?  
Bakura: I dunno. But were looking for someone. Does the name Kimo ring a bell?  
Yami* has brief flashback to when Kimo tossed some of his starchips into the ocean* HIM?   
Bakura: *moves away because Yami has switched to Auto-kill* Yup. He has something that belongs to me and I took control of Tristan to hepl track him down.  
Yami: What does he have?  
Bakura:*thinks fast* My...uh..SNOWCONEHOLDER!  
Yami: *sweatdrop* Alright, so you need me to help you get it back, then.  
Bakura: *swallows pride and fake cries* YES! PLEASE! I NEED IT! *wails* HOW WILL I EVER EAT SNOWCONES AGAIN?  
Ishtal: *feeling like puking* Will you do it?  
Yami:Of course! How can I let someone suffer from lack of snowcones, even if it is Bakura?!  
Bakura: *stops crying* SWEET! Stand still for a minute.  
Yami: What fo-  
  
Bakura cracks Yami in the head with the millenium rod.  
Yami: X_X  
Ishtal *shoves him in a locker*   
Bakura: *In elvis voice* Thank 'ew, thank 'ew vury much  
  
  
Thats all for now. Should I continue this or does it suck too much ass? Let me know! 


End file.
